What your Children Learn from your Kind Acts

Your Children are Watching You

There’s something about learning by doing. After the January 12 earthquake in Haiti I learned more about my son than I had known about him in the first 12 years of his life. As he watched the people crying on CNN, being dug out of the rubble, bloody and homeless with no food or water, I saw my son’s eyes well up. He turned to me and he said, “We really need to help them! Look at those children; they have nothing to do.”  The thoughts of a child, concerned about the welfare of other children, because he had been in their place at one time.

And so with that, he conjured up the idea of sending yoyos down to the children so they had something to play with while Haiti was being rebuilt. We set about creating a website, yoyosforhaiti.com, and he wrote letters to all of the major yoyo manufacturers, who applauded him for his kindness and thoughtfulness towards the Haitian children. All but one contributed, as well as many individuals, and some went way out of their way to ensure that he met his goal of 500. It took a little while and some diligence on his part, but he followed through and he reached his goal. We took pictures along the way; we sent the press releases to CNN and the local news came to interview him. They asked him where his idea had originated, and his answer surprised even me. He said, “I know what it feels like to lose it all. I was homeless and I lost everything–even my cat–in Hurricane Katrina, and so I can understand how these children feel and I want them to feel better.”  My eyes welled up, as did those of the cameraman and the anchorwoman. For I thought that he had been too young during the Hurricane to equate it with a more adult-oriented sense of loss.

Here was true human compassion albeit in a small package; but it shows that kindness is still prevalent in our world and it gives me hope.  This is how we should want our children to grow up.  I was proud see my son display such love and empathy towards children he will never meet. I wanted to avoid taking any credit for myself. Yet when I look back at the little things that I’ve enjoyed giving to other people: those I don’t know; animals; children; the homeless–I  realized that he had been watching from the sidelines all along.  I was setting an example without even trying. And my mother had done the same thing before my own childish eyes, always giving as much she could despite having very little. She always had a smile for everyone she met, as do I to this day.

And so we pass the tendency for compassion down from generation to generation. We should be planning these lessons if they don’t come naturally to us, and we must ensure that those little acts of kindness are seen by our children and those around us. And when you see your child perform an act of kindness, make sure that praise and show appreciation. Because with the ripple effect, anybody who sees such acts is positively affected by them–whether they be a smile, a cold drink or a yoyo–and each observer will positively affect another in some small way.

Forgiveness Manifested

Forgiveness the long way around

The other day, I got yelled at–rather berated–by a woman on the phone.  In my position, hanging up on the bitch isn’t an option.  She called me stupid, asked if I was new, and if I was dropped on my head as a baby.  I felt myself bubbling up inside like magma under the surface, and I was ready to blow.  Oh, the things I wanted to say to her.  But I kept my mouth shut, solved her problem without so much as a thank you, and I maintained my cool.

Until later.

All that night and the following day, I envisioned the retorts I could have dealt out to that evil woman.   I lost sleep.  I cried and lamented about the lack of compassion she felt for a person whom she had called for help.  I saw her face contorted with hurt with my cruel and vindictive statements, the way she had contorted mine.  And I knew that these thoughts had to stop, for I would only be passing on those horrible emotions to someone else.

Forgiveness even though I didn’t want to

So in the darkness of my bedroom, while trying to sleep, I forgave her for her actions. I was sure she had a bad day, and was lashing out. And I remembered times in my past where I’d done the same thing to someone else. And I let her, and the anger that had been lingering inside me, go. And I fell asleep

The Aftermath of Forgiveness

Well, a few days later, she called again. She spoke to me in kind, sweet tones, with another problem to be solved, but this time with humility. I never mentioned how my feelings were hurt by our last encounter, and I kept my tone professional and warm. And we finished the conversation with “Thank You” and “Have a wonderful day.”

There was no need to gloat about how manifestation works for me, because I know that those who focus on the positive receive it. It just took me a little mental reorganization to get there.

Do you accuse?

As humans, we need others to exist.  Short from being the guy who lives alone in the cabin on the mountain, we need interactions with others to live a fulfilled life.  And unlike the guy in the cabin, who probably takes nothing for granted because he must exist by his own hard work, we in civilization often take others for granted.

Think of the last time you had a disagreement with another.  Did you listen to the other person’s side of the argument or were you just waiting to more firmly state your own case?  Chances are, you did not.  For it is our ego’s responsibility to ensure that we withhold its standing, whether that entail being “right,” being “the more powerful”, or being “in control” of the situation.  You may have accused your partner of acting in a certain way, or of using unfair tactics.

When you accuse, you are taking love out of the picture, and letting your ego take precedence over the situation.  So unless you would like to chop wood and live like the guy on the mountain, remember that relationships are the most important aspect of life, and really the only reason we are here in the first place.

When you accuse, you remove love.

Does your “present moment” always include a computer screen?

For those of us who spend an inordinate amount of time on the computer, a word of advice:

Not everyone does.

Just a reminder that people need real love, and that includes taking the time to turn off your computer (yes, Twitter will still be there when you sign back on) and spend the time to actually interact with your loved ones face to face.

I used to think that I was actually spending time with my loved ones; after all, they were in the same room as me and they were just watching TV, so what did it matter if I was playing Mafia Wars while I was with them?  What seemed like simple multi-tasking to me was actually inflicting much more harm than I imagined on my relationships.  I forgot there for a moment that giving full attention to someone means just that–ALL of me, not just the part of me that wasn’t playing Mafia Wars.
Big lesson learned, and thankfully it was before too much damage had been done.  Turn off the computer and interact once in a while.  You will be amazed at how your relationship will flourish.