Don’t Doubt Your Plan

Yesterday, I had a second level ultrasound done to detect possible chromosomal abnormalities in my unborn child.  There were some indications of such in an earlier ultrasound, and any parent, hearing this would be at wit’s end on how to wrap their head around such information.  As for me, I was told 13 years earlier by a psychic that I would have a little girl.  I scoffed at her, as my first husband had already had a vasectomy, but life does it’s thing and throws you a fastball once in a while.  Thankfully so, because my new husband appears to be quite fertile; which leads us to fulfilling the crazy psychic’s prediction from a decade earlier.

Not that I have placed all of my faith in what one woman said over a deck of cards long ago, but my faith also includes the belief that we have already planned the major details of our lives, long before we entered a human body.  This includes pacts and agreements with others, who also take human form, to help us learn the lessons that we’ve chosen to learn in this particular life.  It’s kind of like picking out your courses for the next semester of college;  you know the general subject that you’re taking, but you’re not given the exact lessons until you are enrolled in the class.

Well apparently, one of my lessons is to learn to live in the later years of my life.  This is one of my most pertinent ones, for most people are able to look back at their twenties, smile, and remember the freedom they had when they thought that they would never die.  Yet learning to live at an older age is quite the different type of lesson, for mortality is lurking in the shadows, and every day our bodies age and challenge us to be our best in the present moment.

My plan to truly live my life at an older age includes the birth of a child; and with it the responsibility of caring for an innocent being that can benefit from my extra years on this earth.  I understand now that this is part of my life plan, so whatever the Universe throws at me at the Doctor’s office, I know deep down inside that I was the one who created it exactly as it is, in order to get yet another course under my belt.  I am not doubting my plan in the least.

Is Teaching History a Waste of Time?

While on the Boston Express bus last month, I was, as usual, reading over someone’s shoulder.  The newspaper article said that our schools’ failure to teach history is a problem that needs to be solved.

Of course I didn’t get to keep reading, because she flipped the page on me, but it started me thinking about history in general.  I’m not talking about the years that Napoleon lived, or whether Shakespeare really wrote his sonnets or if Sir Francis Bacon really did.  No doubt that was what the teachers in the article were fighting for, with a firm resolve that learning about Napoleon’s successes and failures really helps shape our childrens’ malleable minds into well-rounded citizens.

The kind of history I’m referring to is our personal history.  As any parent of a teenager knows, the minute we go into the “When I was a kid” mode, the eyes begin rolling and they don’t stop until you shut up.

Here’s an example:  when I was in school, I was one of those weirdos that came home from school and did my homework immediately.  That way, it was done and I could relax for the rest of the night doing what I really wanted to do, which was art.  My son, on the other hand, waits until 10pm to start his homework, and no amount of force, removal of privileges, or even hobbling (ok, I really didn’t consider it for long) will get him to do his homework the second he enters the house.  He finishes it, albeit with drool all over his name for falling asleep on it the night before.

So I could sit him down, and tell him how it was when I was a kid…or I could let him fail a few times and come to his own conclusion that perhaps starting his homework earlier might benefit him in many ways.

So I ask you, do you think our lectures get through, even if LONG after the fact?  I mean, we all have “momisms” that we repeat (usually at family gatherings for maximum comic camaraderie. Does hearing about one’s past help shape the actions of another, or does doing really seal the learning deal?

To Filter or Not to Filter Your Discussions

So here I am in a conundrum.

A lot of things have happened in the last few months.  My home life has changed dramatically, and I have learned more about myself and listening to my gut feeling this year than in the previous 44 before.  Since there are a lot of lessons to be learned from my experiences, I would love to write about the feelings I encountered during the process.  But the Internet, she hides my words from no one.  And I was concerned that people who are already hurt will read my words and hurt even more.

But family and friends, they chided me, with wrinkled brows and stern faces.  “You can’t filter your feelings.  Say what you have to say,” they said.  Not one of my friends thought that the world would benefit from a censored perspective of my experiences, simply for the sake of sparing the feelings of one.

So from here on in, it’s coming as it really happened.  And to those whose feelings may be bruised, I’m sorry in advance.

Filling Your Holes

Everyone has holes.  Holes are my description of areas in your life in which you could use a little filling in.  Whether it be that you’re quick to judge, or that you snap at people when you’re hungry, or that you think people who live in trailers are white trash, everyone has particular holes that  need some attention and possibly repair.   It’s not that you have to completely heal them, as perhaps there is something from your upbringing that created these holes in the first place, and awareness of their existence is enough.  Noticing that they are there, and addressing their presence is healing in itself.

Even if you don’t see your own holes, they are apparent to other people.  They show themselves when you interact with them and one of the subjects of your holes is broached.  You react.  It shows.  It either helps you grow, or it holds you back.  You can ask friends to help you with your holes, by gently reminding you when you have revealed an area that may need some further learning.  Do you need to live with the same judgment that you yourself have dealt?  Can you sympathize with someone whose housing situation is currently not as bountiful as yours?  Can you project yourself into another’s eyes and see from their perspective?

If so, then your holes will fill in naturally, with experience and understanding that you were just missing some of the information.  And you will be all that closer to whole.

Letting Go of Someone You Love

Recently I had to let someone go.  It was someone I loved very much, and our lives had gone on two different paths in such a way that I was no longer understanding her position, and she no longer understood mine.  Conversations became drainfests in which I was giving energy, and she was taking it.

It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and every day I miss her more.  Yet I have a deep seated belief that people meet at certain times in their lives, interact and learn from one another, and then they move on.  To stay longer than is appropriate stunts each others’ growth, and can do more harm than good.  Better to let go.

Guilt Free Self Confidence

Here is an example of one of my new Guilt Free Life cards, which will be released in a bound mini-book in late 2011. It’s a 24-page “feel-gooder” that won’t be horribly expensive, but you can throw it in your purse or car and glance at one of 22 different reminders of how to live guilt free every day. I will be offering free downloads of the cards here and there so that you can print them out before the book is released.

You can download this one here.

Being a Guilt Free Conspicuous Consumer

I like stuff.

I like to buy things; shiny, intricate things, primitive art, and eclectic welded oddities painted bright colors. I stock up on books, and audiotapes, and sometimes shoes.

But aphorisms abound about how we should detach ourselves from the material, and realize that real joy comes from the heart, not the diamond heart necklace you just picked up on eBay. I feel that both can be true at the same time, and that in order to live a guilt free life you must come to terms with the fact that it’s OK to love both the material and the ethereal stuff at the same time. For the acquisition of certain stuff can mark a milestone in one’s life that lasts as a pleasant reminder of a great experience. And you can carry that stuff from one location to another as you progress along your life path, and it serves as portable roots, in a way.

And if you lose your stuff, or it’s stolen, or it breaks, you may feel a sort of mourning much as if a person had departed from your life. Is it bad to miss something that has been a faithful companion for many years? I don’t think that mourning a lost item is reason for feeling guilt. With that said, healing must occur eventually, or you may need some help letting go.

If you work, and you pay your bills, and you donate as much as you possibly can to recipients that you care deeply about, you save for emergencies and prepare for income for your later years, then why not buy some stuff? Why not create some memorable roots that accompany you through the best and the worst days of your life?

Here’s to stuff.

Guilt Free Prosperity – Giving Away the Last Biscuit

After losing my house, my job, business and belongings in Hurricane Katrina, I rebuilt my life into a nice, comfortable cocoon.  I have a new house, and new belongings, and a new job and two new businesses.  I have money put away like they tell me I should, and I invest in stocks and diversify.  And as I amass cash, and things, I can say that they are nice to have.

Ha !  You thought I was going to say that they didn’t mean much, that material things shouldn’t matter.  Well, I don’t believe that one single bit.  Of course they matter.  And here’s why:

They matter because most of us have worked hard to earn them.

Yet for many of us, the belief that we have something means that someone else doesn’t has been sewn into many of our everyday perceptions by family or other authority since childhood.  Did your elders ever say things like this:

Don’t take it all, honey, leave some for someone else.
Don’t be greedy, you don’t need to have it all.

Now a kid looking at the last biscuit on the tray sees only one biscuit, and his grandmother’s chiding remark was meant to teach him manners by leaving the biscuit for the guest to eat.  If we really wanted more biscuits, we could make some, or buy some.  They are not really all gone.  But this stuff sticks in our minds; and our egos apply these principles where perhaps they do not really apply.

For now you’re grown up, and when you see that last biscuit, you remember the shortage, and you feel guilty because you really want it– but Grandma, she’s still there with you.  Now your rational adult self knows that there are more biscuits out there; there could be thousands of them if you had the time or money or perseverance to acquire them.

It’s the same way with wealth.  It’s there, for anyone who chooses it.   Anyone with the time, the money, or the perseverance to pursue it.  I say that everyone has these options, yet some are living in conditions that do not currently support their implementation as easily as others.

And here’s the part Grandma neglected to tell you, because maybe she didn’t get the connection at the time:  if you give that last biscuit away, then the means to make even more biscuits presents itself to you and to the recipient.   That’s the value of Guilt Free Prosperity.

Earn it.

Love it.

Spend it.

Save  it.

But please, give as much of it away as you can.

You may not see the value in one single biscuit,  but with the gift comes the ability to create more from what’s left.  Sure there’s more out there, but perhaps, like a biscuit baking in the oven, it’s your gesture that makes it easier for the prosperity grow.

 

My Enlightened Wellbeing Self Assessment

I just visited Deepak Chopra’s site and took an Enlightened Wellbeing Self Assessment. Talk about feeling like a mixed bag of growth. The assessment asks simple questions (“Are you happy with your body?”) and questions about enlightenment (“Do you see your world as divine?”) and some referring to terms I’ve never heard of.

The assessment took about 3 minutes, and returned a result smack in the middle of the spectrum…in other words, MEDIOCRE!
This is not what I wanted to see, but when I really reflect on it, I guess it is actually pretty accurate. After all, I am a pretty worldly person (I like my electronic gadgets and sparkly stones), but I do have a sense of the divine and understand the basics of why we’re here.

This assessment, of course, allows me the room to grow, and to focus my efforts on improving the areas in which I scored pretty low (like tapping into the Akashic field, whatever that is). I got a new Kindle, so what better opportunity to take my learning to the Akashic field by way of modern technology…the best of both worlds!

If you would like to take the Enlightened Wellbeing Self Assessment, you can take it here

 

Namaste

Realizing you are not the Center of the Universe

Yesterday, January 18, 2011, was a day of epiphany for me.

You see, until yesterday, I thought I was the center of the universe.  I existed to be the focus of attention at a party, the witty joke-deliverer, the one who made people laugh.  The one who was chosen for extra special assignments, for the writing jobs because of my excellent word choice.  The problem-solver.  The representative.  The level-headed one that could lead the group to success.

And yesterday, I gave up that role to others.  And with it, I gave up my self-perceived and  immense responsibility for saving the world.  I am free to live my life as a regular person.  I can enjoy my family, and can sit on the couch for four hours knitting without guilt.  I can draw a picture if I want to, or write a poem without the need to publish it and receive accolades from all that read it.

I am free!

At the ripe age of 45, I have realized that it’s not necessary to carry the world on my shoulders.  I can be a normal person without the need to be an overachiever.  What a relief and what a breath of fresh air.

So today, when things got rough, and I would normally have stepped in and led the team without being asked, I sat on the sidelines and observed.  I pictured myself as the wizened Eskimo elder, knowing that I could solve the problem but not forcing the solution on others.  I let them solve the problem, and when they looked to me for confirmation that their decision was a viable one, I simply nodded my head and let them take the credit.

What bliss.

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