Looking When We Should Be Looking Away

Why Do We Crave to Know More About Others’ Misfortunes?

The other day I was enduring the endless wait in solitary confinement at an Urgent Care Facility. Despite the nurse saying that the Doctor would be “right in,” I had been eyeing that shiny red Biohazard bucket since she’d shut the door on her way out. The bucket with its triangular arrow-shaped sign was the brightest thing in the room.  It could be empty, or it could be full. Maybe it contained body parts that had been chopped off by shrub trimmers, or foreskin, or crusted over scabs from a dog bite…or maybe it just contained soiled Q-Tips and bloody bandages from a fall on the cement. Either way, it was the fact that someone’s misfortune had contributed to its contents that consumed me.

This is the reason that drivel like reality shows, and soap operas and Jerry Springer can consistently bring in the bucks and the audience. Because people want to see others suffering more than they are. If Ashley slept with her mother’s boyfriend, and a mother-daughter catfight ensues, then for those few moments between commercials we can forget that we have problems of our own. And reveling in someone else’s problems, with its disconnection from our own reality, provides us with an escape if just for a few minutes.

I held back from peeking into the Biohazard bin, because someday, something of mine could be in there. And I would want dignity and respect to prevail over the torrid curiosity of others who would revel in my misfortune.

Guilt Free Passwords

Make affirmations an everyday part of your day by creating passwords out of them

We all know that thinking and focusing on positive thoughts allows us to manifest our destiny. And affirmations are a great way to remind ourselves of our goals, aspirations and desires throughout the day. But, really, how much can one mind remember to do?

If you are a voracious self-help reader as I am, no doubt the book you’re reading asks you to take 15 minutes a day here, and 20 minutes a day there, to perform some mental exercise that will help originate change. Fantastic! Is that 15 minutes BEFORE I get up at 4:00am to go to the gym, or AFTER the 20 minutes I have set aside for meditation? Is it BEFORE the kids start screaming for dinner, or AFTER I have spent my half hour rewriting my 1, 3 and 5-year goals in my journal?

So if you’re a computer user, here’s a sure-fire way to be sure you repeat your affirmations to yourself multiple times throughout the day without blocking out any time in your schedule: make them into passwords.

Example:
Here’s an affirmation I used when I was losing weight:

“It take less food nowadays to fill me up.”

How can I make that into a password? Take the first character of each word, switch around some keys that make sense, and add some capitals.

So the affirmation “It take less food nowadays to fill me up” can be made into this:
ItlFn2fmu

It’s even better if you can add special characters to the mix. Here’s another affirmation I could use:
“I am manifesting everything I desire at lightning speed”
…Into this:
IamMeId@Ls

Switch it around by adding a whole word (like “am” in the above example), and the affirmation will be even easier to remember. Strong passwords contain a combination of upper-case, lower-case letters and numbers, and extra characters wherever possible. No dog names, here, or birthdays, or the word “Password” (yes, lots of people do).

Choosing an affirmation as a password not only keeps you and your goals on track, but it also helps keep your information extra secure.

Can we Manifest Guilt?

Does thinking guilty feelings manifest more in the future?

The Law of Attraction exists to deliver to us the things on which we focus.  Visualization can be both a blessing and a curse, depending on how you use it.  As masters like Abraham advise us that the Law is here to provide for us anything we need to fulfill our life’s goals of experiencing God’s magnificence and the gift of free will, the Law makes no judgment of good–or bad–in what we request.

So if you are consistently focusing on, let’s say, your sickness, and ignoring the rest of your body which is in total health, then you will bring about more sickness until it becomes your complete reality, taking over the healthy areas of your body.  Alternatively, if you focused on the healthy parts of your body, showing gratitude for that health despite the small area of you which is resisting it, then the Law will deliver more health–eventually healing whichever ailment you may have.  The Law doesn’t care if it is delivering you what you consider to be GOOD or BAD–it only delivers to you what you ask for.  And whether you are focusing on your sickness–or your health–you are asking for more of the same.

So why would anyone ever focus on the negative?

Look around you and ask yourself if you know many people, if any, who don’t.

We all know those people who love to talk about their most recent ailment, whether it be a perpetually bad knee or the constant migraines, or that their husband is a fat slob, or that they just can’t seem to lose weight.  They relish in the audience they receive, despite the fact that no one they speak to really wants to hear about it.

And guilt is about as negative as it gets.

Guilt is something no one wants.  Aside from your passive-aggressive grandmother who layers it on like cream cheese icing if you don’t visit often enough, there is no room for guilt in anyone’s lives.  So why do we feel so much of it?

We feel guilt because we think we should have done something differently from what we actually did.  And the Law says that our actions are based on focused thoughts and their resultant feelings.  So my deduction here is that we did something that we KNEW we shouldn’t have done, and now we feel bad about doing it.

We were focusing on the negative.  We did what we knew we shouldn’t have done.  And now we feel guilt.

So next time you feel guilty, look backward (but only briefly!) to your thoughts and feelings about what you were thinking when you didn’t do what you knew you should have done.  Note these feelings, and then move on.    If you continue to focus on your guilt, then the Law will bring you more of what it thinks you want.

And don’t forget to visit your grandmother once in a while.

What your Children Learn from your Kind Acts

Your Children are Watching You

There’s something about learning by doing. After the January 12 earthquake in Haiti I learned more about my son than I had known about him in the first 12 years of his life. As he watched the people crying on CNN, being dug out of the rubble, bloody and homeless with no food or water, I saw my son’s eyes well up. He turned to me and he said, “We really need to help them! Look at those children; they have nothing to do.”  The thoughts of a child, concerned about the welfare of other children, because he had been in their place at one time.

And so with that, he conjured up the idea of sending yoyos down to the children so they had something to play with while Haiti was being rebuilt. We set about creating a website, yoyosforhaiti.com, and he wrote letters to all of the major yoyo manufacturers, who applauded him for his kindness and thoughtfulness towards the Haitian children. All but one contributed, as well as many individuals, and some went way out of their way to ensure that he met his goal of 500. It took a little while and some diligence on his part, but he followed through and he reached his goal. We took pictures along the way; we sent the press releases to CNN and the local news came to interview him. They asked him where his idea had originated, and his answer surprised even me. He said, “I know what it feels like to lose it all. I was homeless and I lost everything–even my cat–in Hurricane Katrina, and so I can understand how these children feel and I want them to feel better.”  My eyes welled up, as did those of the cameraman and the anchorwoman. For I thought that he had been too young during the Hurricane to equate it with a more adult-oriented sense of loss.

Here was true human compassion albeit in a small package; but it shows that kindness is still prevalent in our world and it gives me hope.  This is how we should want our children to grow up.  I was proud see my son display such love and empathy towards children he will never meet. I wanted to avoid taking any credit for myself. Yet when I look back at the little things that I’ve enjoyed giving to other people: those I don’t know; animals; children; the homeless–I  realized that he had been watching from the sidelines all along.  I was setting an example without even trying. And my mother had done the same thing before my own childish eyes, always giving as much she could despite having very little. She always had a smile for everyone she met, as do I to this day.

And so we pass the tendency for compassion down from generation to generation. We should be planning these lessons if they don’t come naturally to us, and we must ensure that those little acts of kindness are seen by our children and those around us. And when you see your child perform an act of kindness, make sure that praise and show appreciation. Because with the ripple effect, anybody who sees such acts is positively affected by them–whether they be a smile, a cold drink or a yoyo–and each observer will positively affect another in some small way.

God’s Faithful Servants Judging Others

I Truly Doubt that God Hates Fags

I felt sick inside when I read about the upcoming Supreme Court case of a radical church’s right of free speech to protest a fallen soldier’s funeral. According to this article, the Westboro Baptist Church picketed Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder’s 2006 funeral in Westminster, Md., because it believes troops’ deaths are God’s revenge for the United States’ tolerance of gays.

Let’s get real here. This is not about free speech. This is a case of judgment.

First, we know that Baptists refuse to interpret the Bible any other way than literally.  That means that whichever old man wrote whichever book they are reading, and whichever translator translated it into English, was doing so with the exact syntax intended by our Lord above.  Nothing lost in translation here, could there be, folks?  I may be pissing off 35 million people out there for what I am saying, but I really don’t care, because I am a sinner in your eyes anyway.

Christianity is about giving, loving, and lack of judgment.  That part of the Bible, if you read it literally, is pretty darn clear.

So how could these monsters, who call themselves faithful to God, speak out about their fellow man in such a judgmental manner when they can visibly see people suffering at the loss of a loved one?  Can they really be so offended and threatened by something that doesn’t match their (myopic) beliefs that they must lash out in anger?  That they must put  “GodHatesFags.com” on a T-shirt and make an 11-year old girl parade around in it?

For these children will be making laws someday, will be lynching people on trees in the forest, will be scorning society’s advances because of an ancient book that was written by dozens of people, and translated dozens of times throughout the years.  That, to me, is scary.  That, to me, is tearing down what the modern world is attempting to do in its shift toward spiritualism. Read the book, folks, and understand that it was meant for guidance, and it does not give us judgment rights against our brothers.

It’s fear that creates the feeling of offense.  It’s the inability to put oneself in another’s shoes, and judgment of a person’s outer shell rather than of his soul.  It’s the lack of certainty about who we really are that makes us offended, because if someone else believes differently from us, then we must protect our beliefs lest the ego begin to falter.  It’s sad, but we all do it sometime or another and it affects our life and all others we meet.

It takes great effort to see a soul in today’s times.  When so much focus is put on the outside, we make our shallow judgments based on external criteria rather than the more spiritual kind.  And because we must protect, at all costs, our tiny selves.

The Universe is full of so many choices–neither good nor bad–but merely those with different consequences.  Those that choose to judge others for the sake of preserving their antiquated notions about “what God wants” from us will experience a very different life than those of us that choose to see the soul and know that we are ALL God’s people.

I know which life I choose.  And I can pretty much bet that God doesn’t hate fags.  (There I go, sinning again).

Misjudged First Impressions

Recently, I was shopping for a horse that I could just throw a saddle on and ride around the neighborhood. I already share a beautiful Arabian mare, but she is a prima donna that hates to get her hooves dirty. Not the right horse for riding around the neighborhood.

I scoured the papers, online classifieds, Horse Training Sites, and the feed store bulletin board for the perfect horse. There were gorgeous options–Quarter Horses, Friesians, Saddlebreds and Paso Finos with shiny coats and proud stances.

And then I came across an ad on Craig’s List: “APQA Paint Horse, $900″

And memories of my childhood dreams arose of riding bareback across the plains just like Pocahontas did…and I had to further investigate the advertisement. The pictures were fuzzy, but there was a You Tube video that showed the horse jumping in an arena. From a fuzzy distance, she looked like a decent horse for the money. So out I drove, all the way across town, to see her in person.

She was mixed with 26 other horses, grazing in a field. Her markings were, well, odd. Not the beautiful cow spots that most of you are used to in a paint horse. She is an overo, which looked like someone had splattered bleach on her brown coat, leaving tiny, irregular white spots in really strange places. She is no beauty; she was a hundred pounds underweight, filthy and had matted mane and tail–but her eyes were clear, and she seemed to have the disposition I was looking for. Calm, easy to ride, not readily excitable.

It turns out that this owner had taken the horse as repayment of a debt that was owed to her–exactly $900–and wanted to turn the horse into cash, thus eliminating one more mouth to feed. It was obvious that she didn’t want to put too much effort into restoring the horse back to health, although I give her credit for taking better care of her than her previous bankrupt owner.

So I wrote the check, and she delivered the horse, complete with papers, to the riding facility where I had rented a stall. This facility housed show horses, and sported teenage girls posting with their black velvet caps darting up and down on their perfectly clipped trotting mounts. The arrival of my horse caused quite a stir–a silent one, if you get my drift–not because of her beauty, but rather because of the lack of it. On this property full of high-maintenance show horses, mine stumbled out of the trailer like a homeless bum after he finishes his wine in the bag. Shaggy, dirty, with hay in her forelock, she looked around in fright at all of the horror struck people with gaping mouths.

I had bought a nag.

“She’s got a great disposition,” I told my disbelieving friends. “She just needs a little training and care.” They said nothing, but their lips were pursed, and their gazes turned away from my new horse and far across the field.

The trainers were ever positive, since they were being paid well to do as much as they could do in 30 days. They made no promises. We put her in her stall, which must have looked like Plum Sykes’ penthouse to her, where she ate for 2 hours straight. I named her “Tuesday.”

At first, the reports from the trainers were grim, and the other horse owners made a wide berth when we went a-walking. But then, last night, we worked her again, and the real Tuesday started to emerge. With food in her stomach, and attention directed toward her training, I could finally see a glimpse of the horse she would be. She held her head higher, her gait was more steady as she regained musculature and balance, and her willingness to please her rider was evident now that she was no longer starving.

I am not so sure she is the kind of horse I can just throw a saddle on and ride around the neighborhood.

But I am sure that she was meant to be with us at this time…to teach us that first impressions aren’t always right, no matter what psychologists say the statistics are. After all, what if she were human? Unkempt, unfed, forgotten and lost. We see them all the time, and many of us are quick to judge the external appearance rather than considering the soul that is trapped inside.

Here’s a video of the real “Tuesday” the day before I brought her home.

Living a Guilt Free Chaotic Life

Chaos as a Way of Life

Do you ever come home from work and experience this in your first ten minutes through the door:  you are attacked by the dogs, face a whining family who can’t find anything to eat despite a kitchen full of food, skid across socks on the floor, deal with piled-up mail, answer the ringing phone and encounter still-unmade beds?

I deal with this every day.  After overtime on the job, I drive home in the solitude of my car (sometimes I don’t want to get out!) only to arrive home to what should be my sanctuary, but is rather a screaming zoo of chaos.  I can barely take a breath before something else is requiring my attention, and there I stumble, one shoe still on my foot, to put out another virtual fire between demanding loved ones.

So last week, I decided to take a weekend away from all of this, and go with a friend to Las Vegas.  I had my own room, with a big fluffy bed covered in pillows, room service and curtains that blocked out the light so I could sleep late.  Three whole days to myself with no one making demands of me!

Solitude isn’t what I expected it to be

Silence. Peace. Opportunity to go within. Freedom.
Boredom!

I was lost there, with the endless shopping and sightseeing and visual treats available to me. There were so many opportunities that none of them seemed appealing–because I had no one to share them with.

Missing the Chaos

I longed to return to the noise and the craziness, because that’s where my true interaction was. Not only was I missed at home, but they missed me; for they are an integral part of me, and I had left my most integral part of behind.

Enjoying your Routine

So next time you are faced with the temper tantrums, the spilled spaghetti and towels on the floor, remember that your presence plays a large part in the growth and community of others. Their–and your–needs are important, of course. A little quiet may–or may not!–refresh you.

Forgiveness Manifested

Forgiveness the long way around

The other day, I got yelled at–rather berated–by a woman on the phone.  In my position, hanging up on the bitch isn’t an option.  She called me stupid, asked if I was new, and if I was dropped on my head as a baby.  I felt myself bubbling up inside like magma under the surface, and I was ready to blow.  Oh, the things I wanted to say to her.  But I kept my mouth shut, solved her problem without so much as a thank you, and I maintained my cool.

Until later.

All that night and the following day, I envisioned the retorts I could have dealt out to that evil woman.   I lost sleep.  I cried and lamented about the lack of compassion she felt for a person whom she had called for help.  I saw her face contorted with hurt with my cruel and vindictive statements, the way she had contorted mine.  And I knew that these thoughts had to stop, for I would only be passing on those horrible emotions to someone else.

Forgiveness even though I didn’t want to

So in the darkness of my bedroom, while trying to sleep, I forgave her for her actions. I was sure she had a bad day, and was lashing out. And I remembered times in my past where I’d done the same thing to someone else. And I let her, and the anger that had been lingering inside me, go. And I fell asleep

The Aftermath of Forgiveness

Well, a few days later, she called again. She spoke to me in kind, sweet tones, with another problem to be solved, but this time with humility. I never mentioned how my feelings were hurt by our last encounter, and I kept my tone professional and warm. And we finished the conversation with “Thank You” and “Have a wonderful day.”

There was no need to gloat about how manifestation works for me, because I know that those who focus on the positive receive it. It just took me a little mental reorganization to get there.

Learning Not to be Offended by Others’ Habits

The increasing popularity of electronic cigarettes led me to read more about the safety benefits of using them vs traditional tobacco cigarettes.  In a statement last January, Dr. Jonathan Winickoff of Harvard Medical School called the Crown7 “a thousand times safer than cigarettes.”  You can see the article here: ‘Just like the real thing’: Businesses push ‘e-cigarettes’.  My topic here isn’t whether e-cigarettes are or are not safer than tobacco, but rather how people judge those who smoke at all.

Reading the comments left on the site after the article, the page was laden with forked-tongue remarks about how weak and pathetic smokers are.  These people have decided that if you smoke, you have decided to purposely disgrace humanity with your presence in the form of second-hand smoke and tar-stained hands.  You were created to offend others simply by your habit.  Where is the compassion for those who may be struggling with a habit that’s tougher to kick than heroin?

Again, my argument here is not whether second-hand smoke is dangerous (although several recent studies have claimed that the dangers are not as real as once thought), but rather why people must feel offended at the choices of another.  Of course, smokers–along with drinkers, and those who shove down three cheeseburgers at McDonalds, and those who crack their knuckles, and those who drink wine and get behind the wheel of their car, or those that slip out an expletive now and then, or those caught by surprise by public flatulence–should keep their habits to themselves.

How many of us does that leave, then, with no habits that may offend someone?

And why are people looking so hard to be offended?  Is it because they want to elevate their own self-worth by attempting to diminish another’s?  Are we projecting here?

Simply put, if one is content with oneself, then there is no need to be offended by another’s behaviour–ever.

Balancing Time

Living is so much fun with all the vast possibilities it allows us.  In one day, you could learn about modern art, learn how to make exotic drinks fit for mini umbrellas, sign up for a Mandarin language class, and experiment with a new sake and Sapporo combination.  And during the slow times, you can dream about having a show on the Travel Channel, plan your next book, and research zip lining in your next tropical destination.  Yet when is your mind just too full to consider any more possibilities? My mind?  Full all the time with all the things I’d love to do.

Sometimes we have to consider how much extra time there is in our day and make decisions as to what is most important to us.  For despite all the beautiful opportunities presented to us, there’s still only so much our minds can handle.   What happens is that when we make too many plans, nothing gets done. Because although we start our new projects with verve and vigor, often we realize that all of those other things we’ve started before haven’t been finished yet–and now we’re overloaded with tasks that seem like chores.

So despite all of the wonderful stuff we can learn and do, start one and finish it so you can add another accomplishment to your list.  After all, there will always be something else to start.

Next Page »