Do You Hide in a Corner When Things Get Rough?

I admit it.  I am not the first to vocalize that I’ve been hurt.   It takes me a while to process things, and sometimes those who love me are left waiting for me to speak up.  Sometimes, I process my feelings, and there’s nothing more for me to say. Sometimes I am just plain WRONG, and a bit of processing time reveals this to me.

Sometimes, I need to follow up with the offender about my feelings.  Sometimes I realize that the problem is my own, I process my emotions, realize that I have been irrational, and I apologize.  Sometimes I hide away in denial until I can speak my mind.

Just a note, folks, that this is not a responsible way to solve your issues.

This is a form of denial, and it won’t get you far if you want to address issues like a grown up.

A better option:

It’s not a bad thing to want to think about what you want to say before you say it.  It worked for Mister Rogers, and it can work for you. If you have an issue with your significant other, a friend or a family member, and words have been exchanged, then it’s OK for you to tell the other party that you need some time to process what has gone on.

Rather than hiding in a corner and withholding your love, just TELL them that you need some time.  Here are some options:

“I know we have just had a conversation that included a lot of heated emotions.  I need to process this information, so please give me some time alone to do so.  My distancing myself from you is just me thinking about things, so please allow me some time alone to do that.”

“We talked about a lot tonight.  It might take me some time to process this information, so if I’m distant for a day or two, understand that I still love you and that I just need some time.”

This way, you have indicated to your loved ones that you love them, that you need some time to process your feelings, and that it’s important to you to process the information rather than just react.

Remember:  Once Said, Never Unsaid.

 

 

Learning the Language of Animals

I believe in reincarnation.  I believe that we choose whom or what we would like to emerge into the world as, whether it be a Tibetan monk or a hairstylist in Brooklyn.  Each life will have its challenges, its lessons, and very different interactions with very different beings, depending on the circumstances and environment in which we grow.

To me, an animal lover, I had some idea that animals were a very important part of human growth.  After all, how a human treats an animal shows us much about his character.  But I didn’t think of them as having equal intelligence as humans, simply because I thought that they lacked self awareness.  I believed that they thought, and felt, and had good days and bad days, but I didn’t believe that they reflected on these occurrences.  I didn’t think that past experiences could determine future behavior in an animal. But now I know otherwise.

I am reading a fascinating book called “Learning Their Language: Intuitive Communication with Animals and Nature,” by Marta Williams.  In the book, the author gives examples of her one on one communications with animals, which includes locating lost animals, assisting veterinarians in finding out what’s wrong, and solving past problems with previous human relationships gone bad.  The book showed me that anyone can talk to animals, and animals can talk back through mental images, in conversations much like humans can.

It does take some practice, and the author wants us to practice with animals we don’t own, since we are not so familiar with them.  I started with my horse, however, who I don’t see nearly enough, and I can say that we’re coming along just fine.  I can sense some reservation in his willingness to share with me, as perhaps he thinks that nothing will change anyway if he “speaks” his mind.  On my part, I am taking it slowly, not asking much, but merely sending love to him and the reminder that he will be with me for life.  He seems to be accepting of that, and I can notice a visible calming of his nerves and a general sense of well being after we “talk.”

As for the dogs, well anyone that knows my unruly dogs will know that there is a lot more work to be done with those to open the channel of communications…

All in all, I have learned a great lesson here in that both animals and humans, although in different external form, feel the same emotions, fear the same fears, and experience highs and lows inside.  The bonds that humans and animals share, and the respect humankind could show animals, would be so much stronger if we considered us all equal.




Keeping up with the Joneses’ Bad Mojo

The other day I was ready to leave for the stable.  I had put in a load of laundry and it was halfway through the cycle.  With keys in hand, and hand on door, I stood facing the rotating barrel of the washer in dismay.  It was just a month ago that I had to throw all of my folded bath towels over the neighbor’s wall to help in the cleanup of her flooded house…from a broken water pipe attached to the washer.  She wasn’t home, and the entire first floor was flooded.  It cost them thousands of dollars in repairs.

But does that mean the same thing will happen to me?  What if I stand here for too long, worried if I have enough towels to clean up my flooded home, and I manifested the same occurrence?  Is my mind strong enough, focused enough, to actually break a water pipe in the process of manifestation?

The short answer is yes, it is.  The long answer, thankfully, is that I would have to really associate some strong feelings with my worried thoughts, and for a while, in order to recreate my neighbor’s situation in the physical world.  Thankfully, the Law of Attraction gives us the opportunity to change our thoughts, and our corresponding feelings, before things manifest.  Although there are no time constraints with the Law of Attraction, there is the perceived delay that we, as humans, create in order to make sense of daily life.  This is one of the times we use time to our advantage.

So next  time you find yourself facing the choice to visualize a potential situation, remember this:

Visualize what should happen, rather than what could happen.

 

To Filter or Not to Filter Your Discussions

So here I am in a conundrum.

A lot of things have happened in the last few months.  My home life has changed dramatically, and I have learned more about myself and listening to my gut feeling this year than in the previous 44 before.  Since there are a lot of lessons to be learned from my experiences, I would love to write about the feelings I encountered during the process.  But the Internet, she hides my words from no one.  And I was concerned that people who are already hurt will read my words and hurt even more.

But family and friends, they chided me, with wrinkled brows and stern faces.  “You can’t filter your feelings.  Say what you have to say,” they said.  Not one of my friends thought that the world would benefit from a censored perspective of my experiences, simply for the sake of sparing the feelings of one.

So from here on in, it’s coming as it really happened.  And to those whose feelings may be bruised, I’m sorry in advance.

Filling Your Holes

Everyone has holes.  Holes are my description of areas in your life in which you could use a little filling in.  Whether it be that you’re quick to judge, or that you snap at people when you’re hungry, or that you think people who live in trailers are white trash, everyone has particular holes that  need some attention and possibly repair.   It’s not that you have to completely heal them, as perhaps there is something from your upbringing that created these holes in the first place, and awareness of their existence is enough.  Noticing that they are there, and addressing their presence is healing in itself.

Even if you don’t see your own holes, they are apparent to other people.  They show themselves when you interact with them and one of the subjects of your holes is broached.  You react.  It shows.  It either helps you grow, or it holds you back.  You can ask friends to help you with your holes, by gently reminding you when you have revealed an area that may need some further learning.  Do you need to live with the same judgment that you yourself have dealt?  Can you sympathize with someone whose housing situation is currently not as bountiful as yours?  Can you project yourself into another’s eyes and see from their perspective?

If so, then your holes will fill in naturally, with experience and understanding that you were just missing some of the information.  And you will be all that closer to whole.

Letting Go of Someone You Love

Recently I had to let someone go.  It was someone I loved very much, and our lives had gone on two different paths in such a way that I was no longer understanding her position, and she no longer understood mine.  Conversations became drainfests in which I was giving energy, and she was taking it.

It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and every day I miss her more.  Yet I have a deep seated belief that people meet at certain times in their lives, interact and learn from one another, and then they move on.  To stay longer than is appropriate stunts each others’ growth, and can do more harm than good.  Better to let go.

Guilt Free Self Confidence

Here is an example of one of my new Guilt Free Life cards, which will be released in a bound mini-book in late 2011. It’s a 24-page “feel-gooder” that won’t be horribly expensive, but you can throw it in your purse or car and glance at one of 22 different reminders of how to live guilt free every day. I will be offering free downloads of the cards here and there so that you can print them out before the book is released.

You can download this one here.

The Difference between Blame and Responsibility

People like me are perfectionists;  and when we make a decision about something, and it doesn’t come out well, we perfectionists like to beat ourselves up about what we did wrong.  I am one to take responsibility for my actions, sometimes to the point of virtual self-flagellation.  Because perfectionists believe that we should have headed these bad decisions off at the turn, before we went careening off the cliff of despair into no man’s land.  We should have had enough intelligence to analyze both sides of the situation, create pro-and-con lists, extrapolate the consequences of each decision and visualize the outcome to our benefit.

Yet other obligations get in the way, and usually there’s not enough time to complete a full analysis of our decision before making one. So when it goes wrong, our minds come back to our lack of research and preparation for the decision.

So how do you react to your bad decision? There are two paths you can take: responsibility for the decision, or self blame for its outcome. It’s your choice, and I’m sure that you have taken both roads at one time or another.

Blaming yourself for not preparing properly incites that crippling, hand-wringing guilt that serves no one. Most likely you will replay the situation over in your mind, glaring at yourself for your stupidity every time you catch yourself in a mirror.

On the other hand, taking responsibility for your decision–no matter its outcome–does serve you. It reminds you that you are human, that you made the best decision that you could make in the time frame you were given. It allows you to cache the experience in your memory for next time, and sets precedent for future decisions. This is the healthier path every time.

Think of this: when you make a good decision, do you take responsibility for that? Many may say that it was luck, or providence, or coincidence. But in truth, it was just you, and you can give yourself a mental pat on the back. You don’t replay it in your mind over and over as you do after a decision with a negative outcome (if there really are any negative outcomes, since all actions can be viewed as lessons). You revel in it; you may even smile.

Let’s try taking responsibility, rather than self blame, for each decision and its consequences, no matter whether the outcome is perceived as good or bad. This is the way to a guilt free life.

Guilt Free Prosperity – Giving Away the Last Biscuit

After losing my house, my job, business and belongings in Hurricane Katrina, I rebuilt my life into a nice, comfortable cocoon.  I have a new house, and new belongings, and a new job and two new businesses.  I have money put away like they tell me I should, and I invest in stocks and diversify.  And as I amass cash, and things, I can say that they are nice to have.

Ha !  You thought I was going to say that they didn’t mean much, that material things shouldn’t matter.  Well, I don’t believe that one single bit.  Of course they matter.  And here’s why:

They matter because most of us have worked hard to earn them.

Yet for many of us, the belief that we have something means that someone else doesn’t has been sewn into many of our everyday perceptions by family or other authority since childhood.  Did your elders ever say things like this:

Don’t take it all, honey, leave some for someone else.
Don’t be greedy, you don’t need to have it all.

Now a kid looking at the last biscuit on the tray sees only one biscuit, and his grandmother’s chiding remark was meant to teach him manners by leaving the biscuit for the guest to eat.  If we really wanted more biscuits, we could make some, or buy some.  They are not really all gone.  But this stuff sticks in our minds; and our egos apply these principles where perhaps they do not really apply.

For now you’re grown up, and when you see that last biscuit, you remember the shortage, and you feel guilty because you really want it– but Grandma, she’s still there with you.  Now your rational adult self knows that there are more biscuits out there; there could be thousands of them if you had the time or money or perseverance to acquire them.

It’s the same way with wealth.  It’s there, for anyone who chooses it.   Anyone with the time, the money, or the perseverance to pursue it.  I say that everyone has these options, yet some are living in conditions that do not currently support their implementation as easily as others.

And here’s the part Grandma neglected to tell you, because maybe she didn’t get the connection at the time:  if you give that last biscuit away, then the means to make even more biscuits presents itself to you and to the recipient.   That’s the value of Guilt Free Prosperity.

Earn it.

Love it.

Spend it.

Save  it.

But please, give as much of it away as you can.

You may not see the value in one single biscuit,  but with the gift comes the ability to create more from what’s left.  Sure there’s more out there, but perhaps, like a biscuit baking in the oven, it’s your gesture that makes it easier for the prosperity grow.

 

My Enlightened Wellbeing Self Assessment

I just visited Deepak Chopra’s site and took an Enlightened Wellbeing Self Assessment. Talk about feeling like a mixed bag of growth. The assessment asks simple questions (“Are you happy with your body?”) and questions about enlightenment (“Do you see your world as divine?”) and some referring to terms I’ve never heard of.

The assessment took about 3 minutes, and returned a result smack in the middle of the spectrum…in other words, MEDIOCRE!
This is not what I wanted to see, but when I really reflect on it, I guess it is actually pretty accurate. After all, I am a pretty worldly person (I like my electronic gadgets and sparkly stones), but I do have a sense of the divine and understand the basics of why we’re here.

This assessment, of course, allows me the room to grow, and to focus my efforts on improving the areas in which I scored pretty low (like tapping into the Akashic field, whatever that is). I got a new Kindle, so what better opportunity to take my learning to the Akashic field by way of modern technology…the best of both worlds!

If you would like to take the Enlightened Wellbeing Self Assessment, you can take it here

 

Namaste

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