The Difference between Blame and Responsibility

People like me are perfectionists;  and when we make a decision about something, and it doesn’t come out well, we perfectionists like to beat ourselves up about what we did wrong.  I am one to take responsibility for my actions, sometimes to the point of virtual self-flagellation.  Because perfectionists believe that we should have headed these bad decisions off at the turn, before we went careening off the cliff of despair into no man’s land.  We should have had enough intelligence to analyze both sides of the situation, create pro-and-con lists, extrapolate the consequences of each decision and visualize the outcome to our benefit.

Yet other obligations get in the way, and usually there’s not enough time to complete a full analysis of our decision before making one. So when it goes wrong, our minds come back to our lack of research and preparation for the decision.

So how do you react to your bad decision? There are two paths you can take: responsibility for the decision, or self blame for its outcome. It’s your choice, and I’m sure that you have taken both roads at one time or another.

Blaming yourself for not preparing properly incites that crippling, hand-wringing guilt that serves no one. Most likely you will replay the situation over in your mind, glaring at yourself for your stupidity every time you catch yourself in a mirror.

On the other hand, taking responsibility for your decision–no matter its outcome–does serve you. It reminds you that you are human, that you made the best decision that you could make in the time frame you were given. It allows you to cache the experience in your memory for next time, and sets precedent for future decisions. This is the healthier path every time.

Think of this: when you make a good decision, do you take responsibility for that? Many may say that it was luck, or providence, or coincidence. But in truth, it was just you, and you can give yourself a mental pat on the back. You don’t replay it in your mind over and over as you do after a decision with a negative outcome (if there really are any negative outcomes, since all actions can be viewed as lessons). You revel in it; you may even smile.

Let’s try taking responsibility, rather than self blame, for each decision and its consequences, no matter whether the outcome is perceived as good or bad. This is the way to a guilt free life.