Looking When We Should Be Looking Away

Why Do We Crave to Know More About Others’ Misfortunes?

The other day I was enduring the endless wait in solitary confinement at an Urgent Care Facility. Despite the nurse saying that the Doctor would be “right in,” I had been eyeing that shiny red Biohazard bucket since she’d shut the door on her way out. The bucket with its triangular arrow-shaped sign was the brightest thing in the room.  It could be empty, or it could be full. Maybe it contained body parts that had been chopped off by shrub trimmers, or foreskin, or crusted over scabs from a dog bite…or maybe it just contained soiled Q-Tips and bloody bandages from a fall on the cement. Either way, it was the fact that someone’s misfortune had contributed to its contents that consumed me.

This is the reason that drivel like reality shows, and soap operas and Jerry Springer can consistently bring in the bucks and the audience. Because people want to see others suffering more than they are. If Ashley slept with her mother’s boyfriend, and a mother-daughter catfight ensues, then for those few moments between commercials we can forget that we have problems of our own. And reveling in someone else’s problems, with its disconnection from our own reality, provides us with an escape if just for a few minutes.

I held back from peeking into the Biohazard bin, because someday, something of mine could be in there. And I would want dignity and respect to prevail over the torrid curiosity of others who would revel in my misfortune.

Are You a Bird Perched Alone?

Do You Feel Disconnected from the World?

Last week a series of horrible and vulgar events sent me spiraling downwards into a pool of pity. In my eyes the world was against me and despite all my knowledge of the powers of manifestation, I couldn’t change my negative mood into a positive one. I locked myself away from the rest of the world and stewed.

I tried counting my blessings, and there were dozens, thankfully, but this time that didn’t seem to help. I planted flowers (they died), baked muffins, and got a new haircut. Still…I was in the pits, disconnected from the rest of the world.

And then I remembered what Aristotle said: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.”

How long was I going to keep up this habit of thinking negative thoughts? The constant repetition would create…you got it…a habit. So once I realized that this negative habit didn’t fit into my master plan, the decision to lose the negativity–to delve back into humanity–and to show my excellence again was an easy transition for me. After all, that is my (and your) natural state.

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Guilt Free Passwords

Make affirmations an everyday part of your day by creating passwords out of them

We all know that thinking and focusing on positive thoughts allows us to manifest our destiny. And affirmations are a great way to remind ourselves of our goals, aspirations and desires throughout the day. But, really, how much can one mind remember to do?

If you are a voracious self-help reader as I am, no doubt the book you’re reading asks you to take 15 minutes a day here, and 20 minutes a day there, to perform some mental exercise that will help originate change. Fantastic! Is that 15 minutes BEFORE I get up at 4:00am to go to the gym, or AFTER the 20 minutes I have set aside for meditation? Is it BEFORE the kids start screaming for dinner, or AFTER I have spent my half hour rewriting my 1, 3 and 5-year goals in my journal?

So if you’re a computer user, here’s a sure-fire way to be sure you repeat your affirmations to yourself multiple times throughout the day without blocking out any time in your schedule: make them into passwords.

Example:
Here’s an affirmation I used when I was losing weight:

“It take less food nowadays to fill me up.”

How can I make that into a password? Take the first character of each word, switch around some keys that make sense, and add some capitals.

So the affirmation “It take less food nowadays to fill me up” can be made into this:
ItlFn2fmu

It’s even better if you can add special characters to the mix. Here’s another affirmation I could use:
“I am manifesting everything I desire at lightning speed”
…Into this:
IamMeId@Ls

Switch it around by adding a whole word (like “am” in the above example), and the affirmation will be even easier to remember. Strong passwords contain a combination of upper-case, lower-case letters and numbers, and extra characters wherever possible. No dog names, here, or birthdays, or the word “Password” (yes, lots of people do).

Choosing an affirmation as a password not only keeps you and your goals on track, but it also helps keep your information extra secure.

God’s Faithful Servants Judging Others

I Truly Doubt that God Hates Fags

I felt sick inside when I read about the upcoming Supreme Court case of a radical church’s right of free speech to protest a fallen soldier’s funeral. According to this article, the Westboro Baptist Church picketed Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder’s 2006 funeral in Westminster, Md., because it believes troops’ deaths are God’s revenge for the United States’ tolerance of gays.

Let’s get real here. This is not about free speech. This is a case of judgment.

First, we know that Baptists refuse to interpret the Bible any other way than literally.  That means that whichever old man wrote whichever book they are reading, and whichever translator translated it into English, was doing so with the exact syntax intended by our Lord above.  Nothing lost in translation here, could there be, folks?  I may be pissing off 35 million people out there for what I am saying, but I really don’t care, because I am a sinner in your eyes anyway.

Christianity is about giving, loving, and lack of judgment.  That part of the Bible, if you read it literally, is pretty darn clear.

So how could these monsters, who call themselves faithful to God, speak out about their fellow man in such a judgmental manner when they can visibly see people suffering at the loss of a loved one?  Can they really be so offended and threatened by something that doesn’t match their (myopic) beliefs that they must lash out in anger?  That they must put  “GodHatesFags.com” on a T-shirt and make an 11-year old girl parade around in it?

For these children will be making laws someday, will be lynching people on trees in the forest, will be scorning society’s advances because of an ancient book that was written by dozens of people, and translated dozens of times throughout the years.  That, to me, is scary.  That, to me, is tearing down what the modern world is attempting to do in its shift toward spiritualism. Read the book, folks, and understand that it was meant for guidance, and it does not give us judgment rights against our brothers.

It’s fear that creates the feeling of offense.  It’s the inability to put oneself in another’s shoes, and judgment of a person’s outer shell rather than of his soul.  It’s the lack of certainty about who we really are that makes us offended, because if someone else believes differently from us, then we must protect our beliefs lest the ego begin to falter.  It’s sad, but we all do it sometime or another and it affects our life and all others we meet.

It takes great effort to see a soul in today’s times.  When so much focus is put on the outside, we make our shallow judgments based on external criteria rather than the more spiritual kind.  And because we must protect, at all costs, our tiny selves.

The Universe is full of so many choices–neither good nor bad–but merely those with different consequences.  Those that choose to judge others for the sake of preserving their antiquated notions about “what God wants” from us will experience a very different life than those of us that choose to see the soul and know that we are ALL God’s people.

I know which life I choose.  And I can pretty much bet that God doesn’t hate fags.  (There I go, sinning again).

Living a Guilt Free Chaotic Life

Chaos as a Way of Life

Do you ever come home from work and experience this in your first ten minutes through the door:  you are attacked by the dogs, face a whining family who can’t find anything to eat despite a kitchen full of food, skid across socks on the floor, deal with piled-up mail, answer the ringing phone and encounter still-unmade beds?

I deal with this every day.  After overtime on the job, I drive home in the solitude of my car (sometimes I don’t want to get out!) only to arrive home to what should be my sanctuary, but is rather a screaming zoo of chaos.  I can barely take a breath before something else is requiring my attention, and there I stumble, one shoe still on my foot, to put out another virtual fire between demanding loved ones.

So last week, I decided to take a weekend away from all of this, and go with a friend to Las Vegas.  I had my own room, with a big fluffy bed covered in pillows, room service and curtains that blocked out the light so I could sleep late.  Three whole days to myself with no one making demands of me!

Solitude isn’t what I expected it to be

Silence. Peace. Opportunity to go within. Freedom.
Boredom!

I was lost there, with the endless shopping and sightseeing and visual treats available to me. There were so many opportunities that none of them seemed appealing–because I had no one to share them with.

Missing the Chaos

I longed to return to the noise and the craziness, because that’s where my true interaction was. Not only was I missed at home, but they missed me; for they are an integral part of me, and I had left my most integral part of behind.

Enjoying your Routine

So next time you are faced with the temper tantrums, the spilled spaghetti and towels on the floor, remember that your presence plays a large part in the growth and community of others. Their–and your–needs are important, of course. A little quiet may–or may not!–refresh you.

Learning Not to be Offended by Others’ Habits

The increasing popularity of electronic cigarettes led me to read more about the safety benefits of using them vs traditional tobacco cigarettes.  In a statement last January, Dr. Jonathan Winickoff of Harvard Medical School called the Crown7 “a thousand times safer than cigarettes.”  You can see the article here: ‘Just like the real thing’: Businesses push ‘e-cigarettes’.  My topic here isn’t whether e-cigarettes are or are not safer than tobacco, but rather how people judge those who smoke at all.

Reading the comments left on the site after the article, the page was laden with forked-tongue remarks about how weak and pathetic smokers are.  These people have decided that if you smoke, you have decided to purposely disgrace humanity with your presence in the form of second-hand smoke and tar-stained hands.  You were created to offend others simply by your habit.  Where is the compassion for those who may be struggling with a habit that’s tougher to kick than heroin?

Again, my argument here is not whether second-hand smoke is dangerous (although several recent studies have claimed that the dangers are not as real as once thought), but rather why people must feel offended at the choices of another.  Of course, smokers–along with drinkers, and those who shove down three cheeseburgers at McDonalds, and those who crack their knuckles, and those who drink wine and get behind the wheel of their car, or those that slip out an expletive now and then, or those caught by surprise by public flatulence–should keep their habits to themselves.

How many of us does that leave, then, with no habits that may offend someone?

And why are people looking so hard to be offended?  Is it because they want to elevate their own self-worth by attempting to diminish another’s?  Are we projecting here?

Simply put, if one is content with oneself, then there is no need to be offended by another’s behaviour–ever.

Balancing Time

Living is so much fun with all the vast possibilities it allows us.  In one day, you could learn about modern art, learn how to make exotic drinks fit for mini umbrellas, sign up for a Mandarin language class, and experiment with a new sake and Sapporo combination.  And during the slow times, you can dream about having a show on the Travel Channel, plan your next book, and research zip lining in your next tropical destination.  Yet when is your mind just too full to consider any more possibilities? My mind?  Full all the time with all the things I’d love to do.

Sometimes we have to consider how much extra time there is in our day and make decisions as to what is most important to us.  For despite all the beautiful opportunities presented to us, there’s still only so much our minds can handle.   What happens is that when we make too many plans, nothing gets done. Because although we start our new projects with verve and vigor, often we realize that all of those other things we’ve started before haven’t been finished yet–and now we’re overloaded with tasks that seem like chores.

So despite all of the wonderful stuff we can learn and do, start one and finish it so you can add another accomplishment to your list.  After all, there will always be something else to start.

Choose Death and You Distribute Guilt

Recently an acquaintance chose to end her own life.  She had tried for many years to do so, and her family scrambled each time she disappeared to find her before she succeeded.  This time they failed to locate her in time, and she ended her own life locked in a hotel room.  Whether it was depression or mental illness I don’t know, and it really doesn’t matter.  What does matter is that her death affected everyone who knew her in some way.  For her family members, of course it was devastating.  To others more distant, there must be an odd curiosity as to how, or why it happened, and speculation as to what she encountered or felt during the act.

I am not here to judge; living a guilt-free life means that one can choose one’s own death if she chooses that option.  But if you’re in this same situation, please heed my words:

Guilt travels.

What I mean here is that leaving this life may seem like an escape to you, but consider what you will be leaving behind.  Of course you will leave grieving family members, but also you will leave them with unanswered questions that could never be answered in a suicide note.  You will leave guilt, my friend.  Guilt that lingers in your family members, your friends, and others you may not even know you’re affecting.  They may replay the events of the past in their heads:  Why didn’t I get her some help?  Why didn’t I lock her in a room until we could get assistance?  Why didn’t I ensure that she had someone to talk to, no matter the cost?

Now an adult knows that no one can really stop one who wants to end her life if she really wants to end it, but that, my friend, doesn’t stop the guilty emotions from surfacing in the ones you leave behind.  And if you want to leave this world to inflict guilt on others, know this:

You’re going to come back with the same lessons you have to learn in this life…and you’re going to have to face them again.  So you may as well face them now.

So, if dear friend, you are considering the act of suicide, please seek help from someone…anyone…for you are not alone, and you never were.  And send guilt –not your spirit–where it belongs–out of this world.

Profiting from Another’s Misfortune

Last week I crossed another goal off of my list.  Since I was 6 years old, I have always wanted a horse.  So when a good friend found us a smoking deal on an 8-year old Arabian mare, I was ecstatic.  We would share the horse since we each lack some of the requirements to fully care for a horse by ourselves.  We were excited to give her a safe home, for she had been penned up in a small stall for 2 years, with nowhere to stretch her legs or exercise.  When I asked why she’d been neglected for so long, I heard the story:

Her owner was a young pre-teen, who with her older sister had shared the horse, showing her in local Western-discipline horse shows.  When the younger sister fell ill with cancer, the horse became a sorrowful reminder of a happier family life as more pressing issues prevailed.  After two years, the little girl succumbed to the disease, and the family lost interest in keeping her.  Hence the smoking deal, but to me it came with a dose of guilt for being so ecstatic about adding her to my family under such circumstances.

This brings up the question of whether it’s OK to feel joy when you know that you’ve obtained something due to another’s misfortune.   Although I played no part in this family’s life or the passing of their daughter, it still hurts to see our new mare look longingly at the two little girls that live next door to our new pasture.  We can see the sadness in her eyes, and we wonder if we will ever be able to replace this gentle beast’s good memories–of happy, laughing little riders–with equally happy new memories.

I will keep you posted.

When Your Countrymen Show their True Faces

Last week I was in Panama, which is known for a large presence of ex-pats from the United States.  Although most of the ex-pats that choose to move there permanently–for the near-American lifestyle without the conspicuous consumerism and general selfishness of its North American counterpart–were kind and like-hearted lovers of life, the visitors who were there for a short time stuck out like sore thumbs among the soft-spoken and humble Panamanians.  Being an American who was visiting with an intention to retire there, I was stuck in the middle, yet I bordered on sympathy for the natives who suffered from the derision, disrespect and condescension of my visiting fellow countrymen.

“If Panama is going to make it, they have to step it up.  This service stinks.”

“See this thing the Indians made?  It’s cut out of a nut called the tagua.  I think it’s ugly, but if you have some aunt somewhere that likes this kind of stuff, you can buy it here.”

“This place is so behind the times.  I don’t know how people can live like this.”

These were some of the statements I collected, and cringed at hearing, on my recent stay in Panama.

Although I love my country, I was shocked and disgusted at the treatment those people endured from the tourists visiting their homeland.  They were expected to speak English, and if they didn’t, then they were fair game to be discussed in the presence of those that did.

My question  to them and to anyone else who would suggest that all people should adopt our (insane and unhealthy) lifestyle:

Why don’t you stay home if you like it so much?  Why bother traveling?

The key to guilt-free travel is to embrace the differences from the place in which we normally exist, drink in the uniqueness of the lifestyle and leave a benevolent footprint.  Let’s thank our hosts and return with positive experiences to pass on to those at home.

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