Guilt Free Non-Conformity–Doing Not as your Parents Did

It’s easy to follow the norm.  By norm, I am referring to following the preset description of how one’s life should be lived; or in other words, the way your parents did it.  Grow up, go to college, get a job, find someone to marry, have a few kids, and work for a while until you are old enough–or rich enough–to retire.  But what if you don’t feel at home in that skin?  What if your goals don’t include marriage, kids or retirement?  What if you decided to switch the order around, or you didn’t spend the suggested amount of time on any one segment of your life, jumping past one right into the other?  What would your parents, or friends, or authority, say about you because they may think you’re making a cosmic boo-boo by  not following the pre-defined pattern of our Western culture?

 

Well, that’s my life, and as of recently, it seems like whatever pattern I was supposed to follow just fell down the rabbit hole along with myself and those I love. I, for one, incurred the doubt of many of my older friends who cautioned me to slow down, to take it easy, to see where things go and be on my guard.  But, for once, my head, my heart and my gut all agree, telling my common sense to take a back seat and just watch for a while. I find myself being myself, with no odd moments of trying to be someone different, or trying to mold myself to be something someone else wants me to be.  I could just be me, and be accepted for who I am–good and not so good–in my own, self-defined skin.  And to those who cautioned me that I was going too fast, I take your heed, and I blatantly ignore your warnings.  Everything seems to be working for us without the need to follow the same timeline that you, and your parents, did.

Keeping up with the Joneses’ Bad Mojo

The other day I was ready to leave for the stable.  I had put in a load of laundry and it was halfway through the cycle.  With keys in hand, and hand on door, I stood facing the rotating barrel of the washer in dismay.  It was just a month ago that I had to throw all of my folded bath towels over the neighbor’s wall to help in the cleanup of her flooded house…from a broken water pipe attached to the washer.  She wasn’t home, and the entire first floor was flooded.  It cost them thousands of dollars in repairs.

But does that mean the same thing will happen to me?  What if I stand here for too long, worried if I have enough towels to clean up my flooded home, and I manifested the same occurrence?  Is my mind strong enough, focused enough, to actually break a water pipe in the process of manifestation?

The short answer is yes, it is.  The long answer, thankfully, is that I would have to really associate some strong feelings with my worried thoughts, and for a while, in order to recreate my neighbor’s situation in the physical world.  Thankfully, the Law of Attraction gives us the opportunity to change our thoughts, and our corresponding feelings, before things manifest.  Although there are no time constraints with the Law of Attraction, there is the perceived delay that we, as humans, create in order to make sense of daily life.  This is one of the times we use time to our advantage.

So next  time you find yourself facing the choice to visualize a potential situation, remember this:

Visualize what should happen, rather than what could happen.

 

Is Teaching History a Waste of Time?

While on the Boston Express bus last month, I was, as usual, reading over someone’s shoulder.  The newspaper article said that our schools’ failure to teach history is a problem that needs to be solved.

Of course I didn’t get to keep reading, because she flipped the page on me, but it started me thinking about history in general.  I’m not talking about the years that Napoleon lived, or whether Shakespeare really wrote his sonnets or if Sir Francis Bacon really did.  No doubt that was what the teachers in the article were fighting for, with a firm resolve that learning about Napoleon’s successes and failures really helps shape our childrens’ malleable minds into well-rounded citizens.

The kind of history I’m referring to is our personal history.  As any parent of a teenager knows, the minute we go into the “When I was a kid” mode, the eyes begin rolling and they don’t stop until you shut up.

Here’s an example:  when I was in school, I was one of those weirdos that came home from school and did my homework immediately.  That way, it was done and I could relax for the rest of the night doing what I really wanted to do, which was art.  My son, on the other hand, waits until 10pm to start his homework, and no amount of force, removal of privileges, or even hobbling (ok, I really didn’t consider it for long) will get him to do his homework the second he enters the house.  He finishes it, albeit with drool all over his name for falling asleep on it the night before.

So I could sit him down, and tell him how it was when I was a kid…or I could let him fail a few times and come to his own conclusion that perhaps starting his homework earlier might benefit him in many ways.

So I ask you, do you think our lectures get through, even if LONG after the fact?  I mean, we all have “momisms” that we repeat (usually at family gatherings for maximum comic camaraderie. Does hearing about one’s past help shape the actions of another, or does doing really seal the learning deal?

To Filter or Not to Filter Your Discussions

So here I am in a conundrum.

A lot of things have happened in the last few months.  My home life has changed dramatically, and I have learned more about myself and listening to my gut feeling this year than in the previous 44 before.  Since there are a lot of lessons to be learned from my experiences, I would love to write about the feelings I encountered during the process.  But the Internet, she hides my words from no one.  And I was concerned that people who are already hurt will read my words and hurt even more.

But family and friends, they chided me, with wrinkled brows and stern faces.  “You can’t filter your feelings.  Say what you have to say,” they said.  Not one of my friends thought that the world would benefit from a censored perspective of my experiences, simply for the sake of sparing the feelings of one.

So from here on in, it’s coming as it really happened.  And to those whose feelings may be bruised, I’m sorry in advance.

Filling Your Holes

Everyone has holes.  Holes are my description of areas in your life in which you could use a little filling in.  Whether it be that you’re quick to judge, or that you snap at people when you’re hungry, or that you think people who live in trailers are white trash, everyone has particular holes that  need some attention and possibly repair.   It’s not that you have to completely heal them, as perhaps there is something from your upbringing that created these holes in the first place, and awareness of their existence is enough.  Noticing that they are there, and addressing their presence is healing in itself.

Even if you don’t see your own holes, they are apparent to other people.  They show themselves when you interact with them and one of the subjects of your holes is broached.  You react.  It shows.  It either helps you grow, or it holds you back.  You can ask friends to help you with your holes, by gently reminding you when you have revealed an area that may need some further learning.  Do you need to live with the same judgment that you yourself have dealt?  Can you sympathize with someone whose housing situation is currently not as bountiful as yours?  Can you project yourself into another’s eyes and see from their perspective?

If so, then your holes will fill in naturally, with experience and understanding that you were just missing some of the information.  And you will be all that closer to whole.

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