Are You TOO Guilt Free?

Yesterday, my son called me a bitch.

Now, other people have done that in my younger years, but back then I had earned that label.  Nowadays, however, I think I may be on the lenient side of things, and let a lot of inappropriate actions and words by others just roll off my back.

Well, folks, that doesn’t work with kids, apparently.  Because they are watching you, and modeling you, and their behavior is learned from yours in a really big way.

I guess it started when I was working nights, and as I lay comatose in bed after being on my feet all night, my little tyke would crawl out of bed and switch on a DVD.  One morning, he tapped my shoulder as I slept, and said, “MOM!  The Matrix is everywhere.”  I should have taken this as a sign that perhaps I should be more careful about what he had access to, and to be fair to myself, there was no porn or other REALLY inappropriate materials in the house.

And after all, they are going to learn it soon, anyway, right?  Right.  They are going to learn it.  And they are going to look to you for your judgment on that material.  If you glaze right over the violence and the trench coat-wearing virtual mercenaries, then your kids are going to think that these types of movies are the norm, when indeed they should not be–at least for kids.

So being called a bitch was simply a symptom of the bigger problem–that I was too lax in my household, and that my quest to bring up an individual rather than a little carbon copy of myself went too far to the other extreme.  And I created an individual to which nothing was sacred.

According to Elaine Sihera on the Helium.com blog:

Children in homes where the parents do not treat each other with any respect, and where language is abusive, critical or inappropriate, tend to use those examples as their guidelines and behave accordingly. Parents teach their children not only through what they say, but most importantly, through what they DO. Children will pick up inappropriate and ambiguous behaviour when they have been set the wrong examples. The parents might not want that to happen but that is the only outcome where there is no other model to copy.

So, yes, it is possible to be TOO guilt free.  Remember that you are a model for your children, and being too lax is just as detrimental to their growth as being too strict.  Let them grow by feeding them the good stuff in the right portions.

Looking When We Should Be Looking Away

Why Do We Crave to Know More About Others’ Misfortunes?

The other day I was enduring the endless wait in solitary confinement at an Urgent Care Facility. Despite the nurse saying that the Doctor would be “right in,” I had been eyeing that shiny red Biohazard bucket since she’d shut the door on her way out. The bucket with its triangular arrow-shaped sign was the brightest thing in the room.  It could be empty, or it could be full. Maybe it contained body parts that had been chopped off by shrub trimmers, or foreskin, or crusted over scabs from a dog bite…or maybe it just contained soiled Q-Tips and bloody bandages from a fall on the cement. Either way, it was the fact that someone’s misfortune had contributed to its contents that consumed me.

This is the reason that drivel like reality shows, and soap operas and Jerry Springer can consistently bring in the bucks and the audience. Because people want to see others suffering more than they are. If Ashley slept with her mother’s boyfriend, and a mother-daughter catfight ensues, then for those few moments between commercials we can forget that we have problems of our own. And reveling in someone else’s problems, with its disconnection from our own reality, provides us with an escape if just for a few minutes.

I held back from peeking into the Biohazard bin, because someday, something of mine could be in there. And I would want dignity and respect to prevail over the torrid curiosity of others who would revel in my misfortune.

Are You a Bird Perched Alone?

Do You Feel Disconnected from the World?

Last week a series of horrible and vulgar events sent me spiraling downwards into a pool of pity. In my eyes the world was against me and despite all my knowledge of the powers of manifestation, I couldn’t change my negative mood into a positive one. I locked myself away from the rest of the world and stewed.

I tried counting my blessings, and there were dozens, thankfully, but this time that didn’t seem to help. I planted flowers (they died), baked muffins, and got a new haircut. Still…I was in the pits, disconnected from the rest of the world.

And then I remembered what Aristotle said: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.”

How long was I going to keep up this habit of thinking negative thoughts? The constant repetition would create…you got it…a habit. So once I realized that this negative habit didn’t fit into my master plan, the decision to lose the negativity–to delve back into humanity–and to show my excellence again was an easy transition for me. After all, that is my (and your) natural state.

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Guilt Free Passwords

Make affirmations an everyday part of your day by creating passwords out of them

We all know that thinking and focusing on positive thoughts allows us to manifest our destiny. And affirmations are a great way to remind ourselves of our goals, aspirations and desires throughout the day. But, really, how much can one mind remember to do?

If you are a voracious self-help reader as I am, no doubt the book you’re reading asks you to take 15 minutes a day here, and 20 minutes a day there, to perform some mental exercise that will help originate change. Fantastic! Is that 15 minutes BEFORE I get up at 4:00am to go to the gym, or AFTER the 20 minutes I have set aside for meditation? Is it BEFORE the kids start screaming for dinner, or AFTER I have spent my half hour rewriting my 1, 3 and 5-year goals in my journal?

So if you’re a computer user, here’s a sure-fire way to be sure you repeat your affirmations to yourself multiple times throughout the day without blocking out any time in your schedule: make them into passwords.

Example:
Here’s an affirmation I used when I was losing weight:

“It take less food nowadays to fill me up.”

How can I make that into a password? Take the first character of each word, switch around some keys that make sense, and add some capitals.

So the affirmation “It take less food nowadays to fill me up” can be made into this:
ItlFn2fmu

It’s even better if you can add special characters to the mix. Here’s another affirmation I could use:
“I am manifesting everything I desire at lightning speed”
…Into this:
IamMeId@Ls

Switch it around by adding a whole word (like “am” in the above example), and the affirmation will be even easier to remember. Strong passwords contain a combination of upper-case, lower-case letters and numbers, and extra characters wherever possible. No dog names, here, or birthdays, or the word “Password” (yes, lots of people do).

Choosing an affirmation as a password not only keeps you and your goals on track, but it also helps keep your information extra secure.