When Your Countrymen Show their True Faces

Last week I was in Panama, which is known for a large presence of ex-pats from the United States.  Although most of the ex-pats that choose to move there permanently–for the near-American lifestyle without the conspicuous consumerism and general selfishness of its North American counterpart–were kind and like-hearted lovers of life, the visitors who were there for a short time stuck out like sore thumbs among the soft-spoken and humble Panamanians.  Being an American who was visiting with an intention to retire there, I was stuck in the middle, yet I bordered on sympathy for the natives who suffered from the derision, disrespect and condescension of my visiting fellow countrymen.

“If Panama is going to make it, they have to step it up.  This service stinks.”

“See this thing the Indians made?  It’s cut out of a nut called the tagua.  I think it’s ugly, but if you have some aunt somewhere that likes this kind of stuff, you can buy it here.”

“This place is so behind the times.  I don’t know how people can live like this.”

These were some of the statements I collected, and cringed at hearing, on my recent stay in Panama.

Although I love my country, I was shocked and disgusted at the treatment those people endured from the tourists visiting their homeland.  They were expected to speak English, and if they didn’t, then they were fair game to be discussed in the presence of those that did.

My question  to them and to anyone else who would suggest that all people should adopt our (insane and unhealthy) lifestyle:

Why don’t you stay home if you like it so much?  Why bother traveling?

The key to guilt-free travel is to embrace the differences from the place in which we normally exist, drink in the uniqueness of the lifestyle and leave a benevolent footprint.  Let’s thank our hosts and return with positive experiences to pass on to those at home.

Is the Media Manifesting Our Future?

As much as I love to watch Anderson Cooper, I can’t bear to hear him lament on the economy.  I’m not singling him out, but rather the material he and other anchors deliver in gut-wrenching, spirit-melting droves:

Forty-eight states and the District of Columbia post unemployment rates rise in May, while only one state – Nebraska – registers a decrease.

Property crime rates rise in state

Skeleton of Caylee Anthony had tape over mouth, report says

How is the Law of Attraction affected by the inundation of this endless negative news?

Since the Law of Attraction implies that what we visualize, feel and desire will be manifested in our physical world, it’s just possible that:  the more this information remains in the forefront of our consciousness; is the subject of our conversations around coffee; and is overheard and absorbed by our children, the more of it we’ll continue to see.  If the Universe delivers more of the same, then we are sure to experience more of the negativity presented to us by the media.

I’m not suggesting that you should avoid watching television, reading the paper or listening to radio news, but when is enough enough?  The media itself is not to blame, for in their eyes they are only delivering what we ask for.  But what if we asked for the good stuff?  What if the happy stuff was delivered at the beginning of a newscast, much as a performance review is delivered by our bosses?

“I really think you’ve made some great improvements in your efficiency, Kimberly, and your attendance record is impeccable.  You work with integrity and it is obvious you strive to learn.”

and then…

“There are a few areas on which you may consider spending a little time.  For instance, your reports contain typos that a quick spell check could prevent, and perhaps your tone of voice on the phone could be a little softer to those in need.”

The POSITIVE, and then the NEGATIVE.

Could we see Anderson try this?

“Today marked a great improvement in the reduction of polluted water in South Africa thanks to the concerted efforts of the country’s major mining companies, who are adopting practices that reduce mining-related runoff into the country’s waterways.  Further work is still required to provide safe drinking water for the country’s 44 million residents.”

I don’t know about you, but I would be much more willing to donate time or money if I felt it would actually make a difference in continuing the upswing of improvement.

I have no idea how to put this into motion, so if you know Anderson, please send him my way.

Prejudice at the Gym

I work out at a gym that is full of stereotypes.  There’s the “meatheads” that pump up their biceps and then spend their rest time flexing them in front of the mirror.  There’s the college girls with the sports bra and low-rise yoga pants and sculpted stomachs.   Teased-up ponytailed lithe fairy yoga girls and over-aerobicized models lacking child-bearing hips.  Of course there’s normal people, too, with oversized t-shirts and sweaty backs toting their bottled water from machine to machine.

But there’s one regular denizen of my gym who was sure to send me into a tizzy every time I saw her.  She is maybe 5′2″, 90 pounds, with smooth tanned skin and size 56 DDD additions to her chest that she has a difficult time covering, if she had an inkling to attempt covering them at all.  Smacking gum like a junior-high student, she would work with the free weights, the exercise ball, the cable machines, all the time viewing herself in the ample mirrors.  Everyone–especially the meatheads–knows her, and she is jovial to anyone that speaks to her.  She never speaks to me, since I spend most of my time glaring at her and never attempted to strike up a conversation.  Of course my boyfriend knows her well, because they use the same machines in the northeast corner of the gym.

She’s a stripper–no surprise– but to me she was a threat for no good reason.  For she embodied the kind of person that spent all of her time focusing on her external appearance in order to please others.  After all, that’s how she makes her money,  pleasing others with the body she spends so much time perfecting.  She was the embodiment to me of the perfect little love doll that every man wanted purely for pleasure; and that to me was somehow sleazy, undermining healthy relationships with the allure of easy sex.  But as I watched this woman so different from me, I recognized a trigger in myself from some past experience where I had felt like I was not enough–and I redirected my thoughts to remind myself that we are all one.  She was simply different than me, but still a human with wants and needs and issues.  Perhaps she wasn’t the Jezebel I wanted her to be.  For all I knew she was putting herself through law school, or paying her grandmother’s nursing home expenses and dancing was a way to make that happen with the gifts she was given.

So a few days ago, I stopped glaring at her, and started smiling at her.  I haven’t received a smile back yet, but I am sure it will come in time when she realizes that I accept her for who she is, not what she looks like or how she earns her living.

Guilt Free Self Confidence

Here is an example of one of my new Guilt Free Life cards, which will be released in a bound mini-book on July 1, 2009. It’s a 24-page “feel-gooder” that won’t be horribly expensive, but you can throw it in your purse or car and glance at one of 22 different reminders of how to live guilt free every day. I will be offering free downloads of the cards here and there so that you can print them out before the book is released.

You can download this one here.

Saying No to Yourself

It seems like when we were kids, we heard “no” far more often than we ever heard “yes.”  Of course, I know that it was in our own best interest that our parents made these decisions on our behalf, since they were protecting us from things and situations that we didn’t know were harmful.  But to a kid, it’s just a bummer to be shot down when our thirst for learning and new experiences is at an all-time high.  So when we grow up, we don’t want to have to say no to ourselves…after all, we are making decisions for ourselves now, and we are willing to accept the consequences for our poor decisions.

This, of course, leads to all sorts of vices, as many of our decisions are made for the purposes of instant gratification–ask anyone with a sizable handbag collection and I’m sure they will concur–rather than what’s really best for us.  We don’t want to miss out on any situations that could bring us joy or freedom; but this can lead to decisions that we later regret.

Take a serious night of drinking for example, or the Ding Dong-eating binge one night when those little black and white rolled cakes just looked too good to leave any in the box.  And then the next day comes along, and we wish we had said “no” to ourselves much like our parents had.  And what’s worse, we don’t learn the first time we do it, either.  It can take multiple examples of the same miserable experience to learn that some actions just don’t serve us.  If perhaps we could learn from our experience the first time, then when that second chance at failure is presented to us, we can make an alternate decision–which may actually include the word “no.”

Guilt Free Travel: Are Handouts Necessary?

I remember the first time I saw a leper.

Although it’s on the decline thanks to modern medicine, leprosy is alive and kicking in many third world countries.  I was in Morocco, and the man sitting (armless, by the way) on the dirty street corner smiled at me with barely 3 teeth remaining in his mouth.  I was in a hurry to meet a wool rug merchant who was offering me a private showing of his best handmade rugs, and I didn’t want to be late.  I quickly smiled back to the leper and was on my way.

But it isn’t merely the disease-stricken that drew my attention on that and other trips.  It was the kids running after me on the remote island of Lombok when I rode in on the back of a truck.  There were six other people on the truck with me, but the kids knew to thrust their hands out to me rather than the other visitors.  Perhaps it was my snow-white skin, or the fact that I even gave them the attention at all;  but there it was, that compelling feeling that I had to give to anyone extending a hand out for help.

And so here we begin a thread on how we can enjoy guilt-free travel no matter where we end up.  For no matter which country you visit–which includes our own, if you care to look for it–there will be financial disparity between the citizens.  And unless you are whisked off to the Ritz Carlton immediately upon landing your Gulfstream, then you are likely to have exposur to those less fortunate than you.

I will be leaving for Panama on June 21, 2009, and will be reporting from there about our travels and how we handled the poverty surrounding us.